Wendell Lewis
03-06-03, - 01:39 PM
By: Wendell & Naomi Lewis
of St. Jude Ministries International
In recent times domestic violence has dominated our news media and our police crime reports; and in the majority of cases it is women who the abuse is dealt to. A conservative estimate indicates that two to four million women of all races in the United States are abused each year (Washington, 1994). Abuse against women is considered to be one of the major crimes that we are faced with today. The abusers are men who use their power and authority over women in a relationship. Abusive relationships are those in which one of the partners in a marriage or a common law union by words or physical action frequently mistreats the other person. This type of action often leaves the other person feeling like a child who is being disciplined by their parents for doing something wrong. The question is asked by Ann Landers, “Who are the abusers and what makes them abusive?” An expert psychologist, Dr. Jensen has said, “Abusers are husbands, boyfriends, or jilted lovers who abuse in order to take advantage of weaker women or to display their masculinity.” Whatever the reason, abuse occurs in different forms, some of which are physical, emotional, and verbal. In this article I will focus on the ‘abuse of women by their partners’ and why they (women) tolerate this indignity.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is defined as follows, “to injure by maltreatment” and “coarse or insulting language” (Ann Landers Encyclopedia, 1998). It involves punching, slapping, choking, kicking and stabbing. It is considered to be the most common form of abuse. Statistics from a survey taken in the United States of America shows that approximately one out of ten women are beaten by their husbands or lovers. In The Bahamas, we are in a similar statistical range. According to Dr. Patterson of the Women Crisis Center, about ten percent of Bahamian women report being hit or otherwise abused by an intimate male partner, and according to reports from The Royal Bahamas Police Force records, only 295 cases are reported each year. There seems to be no mercy exercised by those who deal out brutality and physical abuse; even women who are pregnant are not exempt. In the United States there are about 572,000 reports of assaults by intimate male partner reported to officials each year. However, it is common knowledge that not all women discuss their experiences. According to Brue J. Rounsaville, a writer (Ann Landers Encyclopedia, 1997), “Many incidences are not reported, and when medical assistance is required, the victim usually denies or covers up the abuse.” However, according to a survey done by the Bahamas Women Crisis Center, women who consistently sustain injuries that are serious enough to require emergency medical help oftentimes die as a result of the injuries.
Emotional Abuse
Another type of abuse is emotional abuse. It is defined as the control that another person has over his or her partner. This causes that person to feel guilt, shame or negative emotions. In many cases this leads to isolation of the victim. The emotional abuse often stems from a jealous husband or lover, who does not trust his spouse and attempts to keep her in seclusion. He wants to control her in every way. In doing so he may, for example, prevent her from wearing slightly revealing clothing and closely monitor her movements. He may be suspicious if there is a conversation between her and another male, regardless of age or occupation (Barnaby 1995). Feeling guilty is one of the symptoms of emotional abuse. Women often blame themselves for the abuse and feel that it is their fault. While interviewing a victim who is in an abusive marriage, she stated that sometimes her husband complains that she is not home long enough to spend time with him. This causes arguments, which often leads to fights between the two of them where he lashes out at her and verbally abuses her. Now she feels intimidated, fearful, and ashamed. As a result, she goes into denial, denying the emotional abuse and scars she sustains.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is another type of abuse; it is defined as insults, angry outbursts, remarks calculated to make the partner feel less loved than others. These embarrassing ordeals, if done in public, often develop low self-esteem in a person (Barnaby, 1995). Women feel worthless when their husbands or lovers use insulting language that lowers their self-respect and degrades them in different ways. For example, telling a woman that she is fat and out of shape or that she has terrible body odor is hideous and will cause her to feel that she is not special. In many cases, such abuse results in some women eventually turning to drugs or other substances to try and hide how she really feels.
Why do women tolerate abuse?
The following are some possible reasons. A realistic fear for women in abusive relationships, whether emotional, verbal or physical, is that the abusing mate could explode in violence if he discovers that his aggression has been reported. Dr Gary Collins, consultant, reports that most of the time the women, whose economic survival depends on their abusive husband or lover, feels reluctant to risk being cut off from food and shelter, especially if there are children involved. Some women stay in the abusive relationship and isolate themselves from their family members and friends, or from anyone who tries to help them. They frequently see their situation as being hopeless. However, these vulnerable or naďve and gullible women accept their partners lame excuses that they have changed their behavior, that they are sorry for abusing them, and that they won’t do it again. Some women are using love as an excuse and are repeatedly forgiving abusive spouses. Some words of advice from Nicole Walker of Ebony magazine (May, 1998) are, “Respecting a man doesn’t mean being his doormat. No matter how good he looks or how important he makes you feel by sending you many bouquets of roses, under no circumstances should you put up with either physical or emotional abuse.” She further states, “Bumps and bruises can heal, but emotional scars may last a lifetime”.
Women, Companion & Helper
Finally, where purpose is not known abuse is inevitable. In other words, men who do not know their purpose in life feel that being the leader means that he has power and authority to abuse women. He does not know that a woman is a beautiful, delicate and precious human being created by God to be a companion and helper to him. Men who do not know this usually abuse women. It is, therefore, safe to conclude that men who abuse women do not have a clue why God made them. Abuse in any form is wrong, whether it is physical, emotional or verbal. Therefore, women in abusive relationships have no reason to feel obligated to stay in these relationships, neither should they make excuses for abuse or believe that it was something they did or said. It is still okay for women to love their mates, yet find the courage to leave them when their safety and peace of mind becomes jeopardized. Women should be loved, cherished and protected, not abused.
God’s Views
The Bible’s instruction is as follows: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Eph. 5:22-31)
If this has been of some help to you please let us know. Write, call, or e-mail us.
P.O. Box SB 50640, Nassau, Bahamas.
E-mail: st_judeministries@hotmail.com
Or — pastorlu961@hotmail.com
Tel.# (242) 326-6676 / Fax. # (242) 326-1654
of St. Jude Ministries International
In recent times domestic violence has dominated our news media and our police crime reports; and in the majority of cases it is women who the abuse is dealt to. A conservative estimate indicates that two to four million women of all races in the United States are abused each year (Washington, 1994). Abuse against women is considered to be one of the major crimes that we are faced with today. The abusers are men who use their power and authority over women in a relationship. Abusive relationships are those in which one of the partners in a marriage or a common law union by words or physical action frequently mistreats the other person. This type of action often leaves the other person feeling like a child who is being disciplined by their parents for doing something wrong. The question is asked by Ann Landers, “Who are the abusers and what makes them abusive?” An expert psychologist, Dr. Jensen has said, “Abusers are husbands, boyfriends, or jilted lovers who abuse in order to take advantage of weaker women or to display their masculinity.” Whatever the reason, abuse occurs in different forms, some of which are physical, emotional, and verbal. In this article I will focus on the ‘abuse of women by their partners’ and why they (women) tolerate this indignity.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is defined as follows, “to injure by maltreatment” and “coarse or insulting language” (Ann Landers Encyclopedia, 1998). It involves punching, slapping, choking, kicking and stabbing. It is considered to be the most common form of abuse. Statistics from a survey taken in the United States of America shows that approximately one out of ten women are beaten by their husbands or lovers. In The Bahamas, we are in a similar statistical range. According to Dr. Patterson of the Women Crisis Center, about ten percent of Bahamian women report being hit or otherwise abused by an intimate male partner, and according to reports from The Royal Bahamas Police Force records, only 295 cases are reported each year. There seems to be no mercy exercised by those who deal out brutality and physical abuse; even women who are pregnant are not exempt. In the United States there are about 572,000 reports of assaults by intimate male partner reported to officials each year. However, it is common knowledge that not all women discuss their experiences. According to Brue J. Rounsaville, a writer (Ann Landers Encyclopedia, 1997), “Many incidences are not reported, and when medical assistance is required, the victim usually denies or covers up the abuse.” However, according to a survey done by the Bahamas Women Crisis Center, women who consistently sustain injuries that are serious enough to require emergency medical help oftentimes die as a result of the injuries.
Emotional Abuse
Another type of abuse is emotional abuse. It is defined as the control that another person has over his or her partner. This causes that person to feel guilt, shame or negative emotions. In many cases this leads to isolation of the victim. The emotional abuse often stems from a jealous husband or lover, who does not trust his spouse and attempts to keep her in seclusion. He wants to control her in every way. In doing so he may, for example, prevent her from wearing slightly revealing clothing and closely monitor her movements. He may be suspicious if there is a conversation between her and another male, regardless of age or occupation (Barnaby 1995). Feeling guilty is one of the symptoms of emotional abuse. Women often blame themselves for the abuse and feel that it is their fault. While interviewing a victim who is in an abusive marriage, she stated that sometimes her husband complains that she is not home long enough to spend time with him. This causes arguments, which often leads to fights between the two of them where he lashes out at her and verbally abuses her. Now she feels intimidated, fearful, and ashamed. As a result, she goes into denial, denying the emotional abuse and scars she sustains.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is another type of abuse; it is defined as insults, angry outbursts, remarks calculated to make the partner feel less loved than others. These embarrassing ordeals, if done in public, often develop low self-esteem in a person (Barnaby, 1995). Women feel worthless when their husbands or lovers use insulting language that lowers their self-respect and degrades them in different ways. For example, telling a woman that she is fat and out of shape or that she has terrible body odor is hideous and will cause her to feel that she is not special. In many cases, such abuse results in some women eventually turning to drugs or other substances to try and hide how she really feels.
Why do women tolerate abuse?
The following are some possible reasons. A realistic fear for women in abusive relationships, whether emotional, verbal or physical, is that the abusing mate could explode in violence if he discovers that his aggression has been reported. Dr Gary Collins, consultant, reports that most of the time the women, whose economic survival depends on their abusive husband or lover, feels reluctant to risk being cut off from food and shelter, especially if there are children involved. Some women stay in the abusive relationship and isolate themselves from their family members and friends, or from anyone who tries to help them. They frequently see their situation as being hopeless. However, these vulnerable or naďve and gullible women accept their partners lame excuses that they have changed their behavior, that they are sorry for abusing them, and that they won’t do it again. Some women are using love as an excuse and are repeatedly forgiving abusive spouses. Some words of advice from Nicole Walker of Ebony magazine (May, 1998) are, “Respecting a man doesn’t mean being his doormat. No matter how good he looks or how important he makes you feel by sending you many bouquets of roses, under no circumstances should you put up with either physical or emotional abuse.” She further states, “Bumps and bruises can heal, but emotional scars may last a lifetime”.
Women, Companion & Helper
Finally, where purpose is not known abuse is inevitable. In other words, men who do not know their purpose in life feel that being the leader means that he has power and authority to abuse women. He does not know that a woman is a beautiful, delicate and precious human being created by God to be a companion and helper to him. Men who do not know this usually abuse women. It is, therefore, safe to conclude that men who abuse women do not have a clue why God made them. Abuse in any form is wrong, whether it is physical, emotional or verbal. Therefore, women in abusive relationships have no reason to feel obligated to stay in these relationships, neither should they make excuses for abuse or believe that it was something they did or said. It is still okay for women to love their mates, yet find the courage to leave them when their safety and peace of mind becomes jeopardized. Women should be loved, cherished and protected, not abused.
God’s Views
The Bible’s instruction is as follows: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Eph. 5:22-31)
If this has been of some help to you please let us know. Write, call, or e-mail us.
P.O. Box SB 50640, Nassau, Bahamas.
E-mail: st_judeministries@hotmail.com
Or — pastorlu961@hotmail.com
Tel.# (242) 326-6676 / Fax. # (242) 326-1654