Cedric Moss
05-09-04, - 09:07 PM
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Offended Christians: Causes & Cure – Part 2
Today I continue part two of my commentary on offended Christians. While I have had this concern for sometime, as mentioned last week, it was heightened as a result of completing Ken Sande’s Peacemaker video seminar.
God told me…
While I have no statistics to prove it, based on 14 years of pastoral ministry, I believe that offence/conflict is the most common, single reason for people changing churches today. I’m amazed at how some Christians who do not otherwise hear God speak to them, tend to hear him promptly and clearly when they are offended. And it seems like he tells all of them one thing: “Leave your church and go to another of your choice.” While God is sovereign and can direct a person away from one church to another during a time of conflict or offence, I sincerely doubt that he has directed the large numbers of Christians who play “church musical chairs” by moving from one church to the other and leaving behind trails of unresolved conflict. Yet, some still leave saying, “God told me...”
On the other hand, even if the Lord directs a person to leave a church in the midst of conflict and offence, they would still have to do so in a manner consistent with Holy Scripture.
The Biblical Response
Two key passages that deal with conflict and offence are Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-20. The burden to initiate a resolution in the first passage is placed on the person who committed, or is believed to have committed, the offence but in the second passage, the offended party has this responsibility. Jesus gave both of these teachings and his reason for doing so is very clear: No matter whether you offend or are offended, once you are in a conflict, you have a primary responsibility to initiate resolving it in a manner that honors the Lord and brings glory to Him.
Unfortunately, far too many Christians do not respond to offence and conflict as taught by Jesus. Even more unfortunate is the reason for this lack of a Biblical response - disobedience. It would be understandable if it was the result of ignorance, but it is not. I have on countless occasions heard people say, “I know the Bible says I should go to him, but…” This disobedience is even more justified where the person has truly been wronged.
The Window and Mirror
One tendency that we humans have in common is our ability to be more aware of the wrong (or perceived wrong) others do to us than the wrong we do to others. One way to describe this is the “window and mirror” approach to conflict. Generally, we readily will look out the window of the conflict and see all the wrong others have done and point to each and every one. On the other hand, we are not naturally motivated to look in the mirror of the conflict to see ourselves and how we might have contributed to the conflict. Sometimes, even when forced to look in the mirror, we deny what we see. However, an honest view of our self and our contribution to the conflict is the first step towards resolution.
Logs and Specks
To paraphrase Jesus, he said we should first look in the mirror and take the log out of our own eye and then we will be able to see clearly out of the window to take the speck out of our brother’s eye (see Matthew 7:3-5). But oh how easy it is to stare out the window at the speck of responsibility in our brother’s eye and then glance so quickly in the mirror, that we overlook the log of our own contribution to the conflict.
I do not believe Jesus used the words “log” and “speck” to point out who had the most blame. Obviously, a log cannot fit in anyone’s eye. Therefore, I believe Jesus was essentially saying that we should consider as a log whatever our contribution is to a conflict and our brother’s as a speck. This posture shapes out attitude for the goal Jesus had in mind - resolution and reconciliation. Remember, the goal is not to prove who is right. Instead, the goal is resolving the conflict and restoring relationships (see Matthew 18:15).
Preview of Next Week
After we have taken the log out of our own eye, we then need to show our brother his fault. Join me next week when I address this procedure that requires the skill of a surgeon and not the bluntness of a butcher.
Cedric Moss serves as Senior Pastor at Kingdom Life World Outreach Centre. Commentary and feedback may be directed to: apostle@kingdom-life.org.
Offended Christians: Causes & Cure – Part 2
Today I continue part two of my commentary on offended Christians. While I have had this concern for sometime, as mentioned last week, it was heightened as a result of completing Ken Sande’s Peacemaker video seminar.
God told me…
While I have no statistics to prove it, based on 14 years of pastoral ministry, I believe that offence/conflict is the most common, single reason for people changing churches today. I’m amazed at how some Christians who do not otherwise hear God speak to them, tend to hear him promptly and clearly when they are offended. And it seems like he tells all of them one thing: “Leave your church and go to another of your choice.” While God is sovereign and can direct a person away from one church to another during a time of conflict or offence, I sincerely doubt that he has directed the large numbers of Christians who play “church musical chairs” by moving from one church to the other and leaving behind trails of unresolved conflict. Yet, some still leave saying, “God told me...”
On the other hand, even if the Lord directs a person to leave a church in the midst of conflict and offence, they would still have to do so in a manner consistent with Holy Scripture.
The Biblical Response
Two key passages that deal with conflict and offence are Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-20. The burden to initiate a resolution in the first passage is placed on the person who committed, or is believed to have committed, the offence but in the second passage, the offended party has this responsibility. Jesus gave both of these teachings and his reason for doing so is very clear: No matter whether you offend or are offended, once you are in a conflict, you have a primary responsibility to initiate resolving it in a manner that honors the Lord and brings glory to Him.
Unfortunately, far too many Christians do not respond to offence and conflict as taught by Jesus. Even more unfortunate is the reason for this lack of a Biblical response - disobedience. It would be understandable if it was the result of ignorance, but it is not. I have on countless occasions heard people say, “I know the Bible says I should go to him, but…” This disobedience is even more justified where the person has truly been wronged.
The Window and Mirror
One tendency that we humans have in common is our ability to be more aware of the wrong (or perceived wrong) others do to us than the wrong we do to others. One way to describe this is the “window and mirror” approach to conflict. Generally, we readily will look out the window of the conflict and see all the wrong others have done and point to each and every one. On the other hand, we are not naturally motivated to look in the mirror of the conflict to see ourselves and how we might have contributed to the conflict. Sometimes, even when forced to look in the mirror, we deny what we see. However, an honest view of our self and our contribution to the conflict is the first step towards resolution.
Logs and Specks
To paraphrase Jesus, he said we should first look in the mirror and take the log out of our own eye and then we will be able to see clearly out of the window to take the speck out of our brother’s eye (see Matthew 7:3-5). But oh how easy it is to stare out the window at the speck of responsibility in our brother’s eye and then glance so quickly in the mirror, that we overlook the log of our own contribution to the conflict.
I do not believe Jesus used the words “log” and “speck” to point out who had the most blame. Obviously, a log cannot fit in anyone’s eye. Therefore, I believe Jesus was essentially saying that we should consider as a log whatever our contribution is to a conflict and our brother’s as a speck. This posture shapes out attitude for the goal Jesus had in mind - resolution and reconciliation. Remember, the goal is not to prove who is right. Instead, the goal is resolving the conflict and restoring relationships (see Matthew 18:15).
Preview of Next Week
After we have taken the log out of our own eye, we then need to show our brother his fault. Join me next week when I address this procedure that requires the skill of a surgeon and not the bluntness of a butcher.
Cedric Moss serves as Senior Pastor at Kingdom Life World Outreach Centre. Commentary and feedback may be directed to: apostle@kingdom-life.org.